Estate Agent Speak

Quite *why* we were watching dreadful satellite programmes at stupid o'clock last night when we were so tired is beyond me, but we ended up watching one where people did up their tatty gardens to add value to their houses. It is called "Weed it and Reap" - I'm not kidding.

Part of the program format involves an estate agent valuing the house. Tim and I wondered if, when one becomes an estate agent, they put you in some kind of brain-altering machine and remove your normal vocabulary and replace it with "estate agent speak". I mean, do they go home for tea and talk like this?

"Ah, I'm pleased to offer this single storey meal for consumption. My tea is presented in a desirable and much sought after plate position, comprising a good-sized portion of mashed potato and a pork chop with considerable potential for the DIY enthusiast. The helping of carrots enjoys a southerly aspect, with a yorkshire pudding to the rear which benefits from a well-established portion of gravy."

I mean, honestly! Why don't they just say, "The house looks lovely, but frankly the garden is a bit knackered, isn't it?"...