stevieannie: (Default)
[personal profile] stevieannie
Whilst at the Lincolnshire Show last week, I saw absolutely the most horrible example of the children's t-shirts that I object to:

"Saw it. Wanted it. Threw a tantrum. Got it."

I can't say how cross that makes me. I've spent the last 10 years trying to teach that throwing tantrums results in sitting down until you're quiet and not getting the thing that you're after. I had kind of hoped that I wasn't the only one.

Judging by the sales and delighted exclamations of parents holding it up to other parents, I think I may be one of the few who don't see tantrums as cute or funny.

*sigh*

Date: 2006-06-26 11:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vaurien.livejournal.com
I'm right with you on this one, but then there are many people who see us as being too strict with the kids. I suppose the results are how we will be measured in the end.

Date: 2006-06-26 11:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jhayman.livejournal.com
I'm right with you!

Funny, one of my best friends is a nanny. She and I talk about not having problems with temper tantrums -- because they got nipped off right from the start. Tantrums don't get attention, they get exile. It's sad that so many parents seem not to have a clue about how to deal with them -- or any feeling that they should.

So good for both of you. I'm not the least surprised.

Date: 2006-06-26 11:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stevieannie.livejournal.com
Temper tantrums are what the bottom of the stairs were invented for, surely? My guys need to be told that there *is* a "naughty stair" wherever we go, but once acquainted with it, it is seldom needed...

Date: 2006-06-26 11:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stevieannie.livejournal.com
I think your and T's results are already measurable. Both of your children are a delight to be around. Congratulations on fantastic child-rearing :-)

Date: 2006-06-26 11:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] filkergem.livejournal.com
What he said! You two are absolutely in the right - keep up the good work!

I will admit that I would have showed it to [livejournal.com profile] kyttn had we been there shopping, but the response would not have been classified as "delighted", more like "disgusted and rueful at the amount of truth there".

Date: 2006-06-26 06:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] keristor.livejournal.com
Well, given your results so far I'd say that I prefer your methods to those of most parents...

Date: 2006-06-26 11:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] antonia-tiger.livejournal.com
So how was the County Show?

I saw the usual signs plastered up. It's a few years since I was last there, and it was seeming less and less to do with farming. Do the ferrets still hide out in the trees behind the estate agents? It sounds like the spivs and wideboys are still selling their stuff in the SE quarter. I suppose the Young Farmers Clubs are still doing the decorated trailers.

Date: 2006-06-26 12:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] plaid-dragon.livejournal.com
Whilst never having done the parent thing, I have to agree that tantrums are not cute or amusing, or to be encouraged. It might be slightly more amusing seeing an adult wearing the same slogan, but never for a child.

Date: 2006-06-26 01:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pbristow.livejournal.com
[NODS] As a slogan reported here in LJ, it made me smirk with all the cool post-modern self-referentialism and all; but as something to let your child parade around in for all the other kids to see? No no no no... =:o\

Date: 2006-06-26 12:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] redaxe.livejournal.com
Agreed with you 100%. Shred and recycle, is the way to go with that shirt.

Date: 2006-06-26 12:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bardling.livejournal.com
Not a parent, but definitely with you, and I very much doubt having kids would change my opinion one iota!
I'd not stop abhorring tantrums, and the only effective way of dealing with them, from my observation, seems to be the kind of treatment they get from parents/people like you, the Fairbourns, the Haymans... nip it in the bud, don't give in & be consequent about that.

Hey - this is an excuse for the angry icon, no?

Date: 2006-06-26 12:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] grey-lady.livejournal.com
I must confess, however, that my response to one of my child's tantrums (bursting out laughing) did stop the tantrum almost immediately....

Date: 2006-06-26 12:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oreouk.livejournal.com
Ah, would only that this would work for me. I feel with Alex we'd only get a shifted tantrum focus :-) Not that it gets him what he wants of course, but it's very wearing.

Date: 2006-06-26 01:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] filkerdave.livejournal.com
Isn't it just? ElderSon doesn't really tantrum anymore, but [livejournal.com profile] neostones still does on occasion. I usually point out to him that it never works and never gets him what he wants, so all it does is annoy everyone (including him)

Date: 2006-06-26 01:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stevieannie.livejournal.com
It stopped Jared's tantruming when we did that. However, it started him getting indignantly furious and raging, which was actually less helpful than the tantrum.

It's one of those cases when I could see how angry it would make me to be laughed when overwhelmed with emotion, so I treat the kids as I'd want to be treated myself. Self-calming is what I'm trying to teach, and Ellie has *mostly* got it, although it still tries Jared on occasion.

But maybe I'm a namby-pamby lefty :-)

Date: 2006-06-26 07:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oreouk.livejournal.com
I'm trying self-calming on Alex, encouraging him to blow the anger away, but he doesn't seem interested in learning the skill. He'd rather rant. And like Jared, laughing at Alex's tantrum would lead to furious and raging Alex, so I try not to go there. What I really want to do is get him to the point where he doesn't lash out when he's angry and doesn't whinge too gratuitously when he loses. Or maybe he whinges on losing with us because he knows he'll get a reaction but isn't actually like that with other kids (if we're not there, anyway). I don't know.

Date: 2006-06-26 12:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ex-lark-asc.livejournal.com
No element of 'oh ghods yes, I recognise that' there, you think?

Date: 2006-06-26 12:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ex-lark-asc.livejournal.com
And, you know, that shirt should so have been available in adult sizes too.

Date: 2006-06-26 07:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oreouk.livejournal.com
Not in Annie's kids. If she says no then throwing a tantrum is the last thing that will get her kids what they want. Cunning negotiation skills are more likely to gain the required result.

Date: 2006-06-26 01:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] filkerdave.livejournal.com
There are vast numbers of parents who don't actually know how to say "no" to their children.

I, of course, will say it to anyone's children, unless I'm sure of what the parents want.

Date: 2006-06-26 02:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] soren-nyrond.livejournal.com
My Beloved, over many years, has repeatedly passed on to me her mother's wisdom: "'I want' never gets".

Date: 2006-06-26 02:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stevieannie.livejournal.com
That's an oft-repeated phrase here, too :-)

Date: 2006-06-26 06:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] keristor.livejournal.com
My mother's was slightly less grammatical: "'I want' don't get".

Date: 2006-06-27 11:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smallship1.livejournal.com
[livejournal.com profile] axylides's mother's version is "them as asks don't get, them as don't don't want." It's only just occurred to me this minute that the apparent blatant unfairness of this is somewhat mitigated if you interpret "want" as in "waste not, want not"...have I been being very stupid all this time?

Anyway. Yes, a shirt to be bought up and recycled. If it has to be available at all, it should *only* be in adult sizes, because the root of this trend, I think, is adults being secretly envious of their children, and they need to be outed.

Date: 2006-06-26 02:21 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
What they all said... we are out there as far as parenting goes, but it's our children who will rule the world.

I *have* left shopping carts full of groceries in the store (to return an hour later to find the manager had put my frozen food in the ice chest... and getting a 'good show' for not giving in). And Talis knows that if she asks for something too many times, she will *not* get it. Tantrums have subsided greatly in our house, partly due to age and maturity.

Date: 2006-06-26 02:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] persis.livejournal.com
sorry, that was me... (stoopid LJ log out) *sigh*

Date: 2006-06-27 08:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catmcroy.livejournal.com
My child used to get parked in her bedroom when she'd throw a tantrum and we'd tell her, "You can't come out until you're ready to be nice" (we left the baby monitor in there). Now it's a time out on the stairs. I don't hold with bratty behaviour
Page generated Jul. 14th, 2025 08:25 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios